Comments on: The Hand-Off http://brettberk.com/2009/02/16/the-hand-off/ Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:17:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: the Countess Tobin http://brettberk.com/2009/02/16/the-hand-off/comment-page-1/#comment-798 the Countess Tobin Fri, 20 Feb 2009 03:07:56 +0000 http://brettberk.com/2009/02/16/the-hand-off/#comment-798 There are a two things that make it impossible to do this smoothly. Brazelton says that late in the afternoon children experience what he calls "the disintegration of the personality" and claims that parents tend to begin to disintegrate at the same time. The stay-home parent is in crisis mode by the time the working stiff comes in. Stay Home has survived the meltdown and is attempting to get the dinner routine going. To accept that Working Stiff is the one who needs some down time---I don't think so. There is also an unspoken and often unrecognized expectation that when one parent is with a child and other parent joins the dynamic, things are going to get easier. This is not a reality-based expectation. As we all know, you end up with a room full of people who all want something from everyone else and what results is a cobweb of frustrations. I suggest taking turns. Out of the 5 work nights Stay Home walks out the door and goes to the movies the moment Working Stiff arrives. The movies are perfect. You get to sit still for a couple of hours and know one asks you for anything. Two nights Working Stiff gets to lay down and decompress and then one parent plays with the kid while the other makes dinner. The fifth working night is a trade-off with a friend--you take turns dropping off your kid from 4 to 7:30. One week Stay Home and Working Stiff get down time without it being at the expense of the other the next week they have food fights with the kids. There are a two things that make it impossible to do this smoothly.
Brazelton says that late in the afternoon children experience what he calls “the disintegration of the personality” and claims that parents tend to begin to disintegrate at the same time. The stay-home parent is in crisis mode by the time the working stiff comes in. Stay Home has survived the meltdown and is attempting to get the dinner routine going. To accept that Working Stiff is the one who needs some down time—I don’t think so.

There is also an unspoken and often unrecognized expectation that when one parent is with a child and other parent joins the dynamic, things are going to get easier. This is not a reality-based expectation. As we all know, you end up with a room full of people who all want something from everyone else and what results is a cobweb of frustrations.

I suggest taking turns. Out of the 5 work nights Stay Home walks out the door and goes to the movies the moment Working Stiff arrives. The movies are perfect. You get to sit still for a couple of hours and know one asks you for anything. Two nights Working Stiff gets to lay down and decompress and then one parent plays with the kid while the other makes dinner. The fifth working night is a trade-off with a friend–you take turns dropping off your kid from 4 to 7:30. One week Stay Home and Working Stiff get down time without it being at the expense of the other the next week they have food fights with the kids.

]]> By: roxy http://brettberk.com/2009/02/16/the-hand-off/comment-page-1/#comment-793 roxy Tue, 17 Feb 2009 05:32:41 +0000 http://brettberk.com/2009/02/16/the-hand-off/#comment-793 Before the " hand off" let your partner that just walked in the door take a nice shower and 5-10 minute breather. It makes a world of difference. Take the time to talk about the days events and how cute your baby is. At our house, there is only about 30 minutes between him coming home and then I have to leave for work. Its all about time management. Before the ” hand off” let your partner that just walked in the door take a nice shower and 5-10 minute breather. It makes a world of difference.
Take the time to talk about the days events and how cute your baby is.
At our house, there is only about 30 minutes between him coming home and then I have to leave for work. Its all about time management.

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