Oh Brother

The Gay Uncle is out on Cape Cod this week, hanging out with a cadre of friends from high school. Because these folks all exist as part of the same demographic bubble–moving through life together, like a sheep through a snake–many of their milestones have occurred around the same time: completing grad school, getting married, buying a place, having a baby. Thus, it was no great surprise when, while coordinating the get-together, it was revealed that four of this group of ten are pregnant with their sophomore baby:one of them with twins! This thrilled G.U., as it meant that the competition around the bar at cocktail time would be at least 40% less fierce than it’s been at past reunions. But, given his love of conflict, he was also excited about discussing sibling rivalry. True to form, he’s managed to instigate (incite?) a number of conversations about the subject. His parent friends have a lot of worries about this topic, and rightfully so, fratricide being a common theme in some of our founding documents (The Bible, Hamlet, The Lion King). But while Gunc outlined a number of useful suggestions for helping his pals ease the transition (see Chapter 10, Put Turkey Baby Back) he also had one fresh and important piece of advice: the sibling relationship your kids set up in their youth does not necessarily confine it forever. So if your child tries to bite his new brother’s face once or twice, it does not mean he will eventually succeed in cannibalizing him, or that they are bound forever in a struggle to eat or be eaten. And you never know what kind of kid the new baby will be until it’s born–it could be so sweet and kind that sibling rivalry is a moot point, or such an evil hellion that the illegality of fratricide is questioned. So be sure to set up useful structures and protocols for your existing child, but don’t get lost in the belief that you can control it all.