Peeing Outside

A friend of the Gay Uncle’s–a mom, a suburban Detroiter, and employee at one of the big 3 automobile companies–wrote in to the G.U. the other day with a question/concern. Apparently, every day when she parks to wait for her son to finish up at day camp, she spots a mother (seemingly the same mother each time) marching her son or daughter to the edge of the lot and, in full view of everyone, having her kid stand or crouch, and pee. According to his pal, the poor kids appeared slightly mortified each time: no real attempt was made to move behind some foliage, and their mom had to cajole them into performing. The question was Gunc’s opinion on kids and public urination. His response? In a pinch, he’s all for kids letting it rip outdoors. (There was a big gnarled elm tree in the bathroomless playground he used to attend with his pre-school students behind which kids used to privately relieve themselves in an emergency: everyone in the neighborhood called it the Pee-Tree.) But he’s only in favor if there aren’t other options, and if the kid’s totally comfortable doing so. This is not something you want to make an issue out of, and creating a daily routine around it seems a little…odd, bordering on fetishistic (on the part of the mom). It’s the suburbs. There’s a Target/Rite Aid/Starbucks every fifteen feet, and they all clean their bathrooms at least once a day (Gunc’s seen the little charts on the door that prove it!) At the very least, these public restrooms are usually a tidier option than standing in the mud and risking the dampening effects of a blowback or an improper squat.

He told his friend all of this and she took it in. But in completing their communication, this friend–who was one of the G.U.’s interviewees when he was writing his novel set in the auto industry Safety Seat, and who was looking forward to being a regular reader of his new gay car blog Stick Shift–uncovered a perfect crossover topic which he could use to combine his dual interests (kids and cars). Now that minivans have televisions, refrigerators, sofas, and beds in them, she wrote, “Bathrooms are really the final frontier.” Gunc’s going to get going on a patent for an in-van can right away.