You Say “That’s not nice,” Your Kid Hears “Help, I have no idea what I’m doing!”
Posted on October 10th, 2008 at 7:42 am by Brett
Ever wonder why your child doesn’t abide you when you talk? It’s because you’re doing it totally wrong! Check out this timely new chunk of advice from The Gay Uncle in this month’s issue of Parenting Magazine. The interview on which this article was based took place way back in March, and the G.U. didn’t know that it actually got published until he happened across it in the bathroom of his friend’s house in Long Beach, CA this evening. The fact that it’s Yom Kippur, and that his friend is a Rabbi, makes him think that this is somehow a sign from god that he has been inscribed in the book of life for the year, despite the fact that he wiled away his faith’s holiest of holy days trying to help a major beverage company figure out how to market an artificially-sweetened, fruit-flavored, electrolyte-filled beverage to teens. Now that’s not nice! Good Yom Tov, everyone.
Uncle Comes Out
Posted on October 8th, 2008 at 12:46 pm by Brett
Loyal readers (or even those willing to scroll down a few entries) might remember the gay uncle, GU fan who wrote in recently asking about how to come out of the closet to his nieces. Of course, Gunc gave him some expert advice, of which he was very appreciative (as are ALL proper followers of the Cult of G.U.) Well, you will be happy (or relieved, or disinterested) to know that Gunc just received an update from said Other Gay Uncle, and the story ends in a form of snarky, but loving acceptance (as should all things Gay Uncle-related). The reader writes:
Dear Gay Uncle,
I just wanted to thank you again and let you know how the coming out weekend went. My brother and sister-in-law were very supportive. In fact, my brother was extremely insightful and I think they were both relieved knowing that perhaps I will now move on with my life and maybe even meet someone. I decided to leave it up to them to let my nieces know, whenever the opportunity arose, rather than my having a forced conversation about it with them. Well ironically, tonight, they called to tell me that the topic was broached.
My brother asked one of my nieces if it would have any effect on her if she heard that her Uncle Z- was gay. She looked up from her homework, said, “No, why would it?” and went back to her work.
An hour later she walked back into the kitchen, looked at her father and asked. “If Uncle Z- is now gay, do you think he’ll start dressing any better?”
Thanks again for everything. You have earned yourself a very appreciative new reader.
Z.
What a smart girl! She must have been taking lessons from the Gay Uncle’s darling little niece Amber (or perhaps just watching the same sit-coms.)
Don’t Spank. Drive!
Posted on October 6th, 2008 at 2:49 am by Brett
The Gay Uncle received this missive from a loyal reader the other day, and he thought it was important to share it with you, as it pertains to the recent shitstorm he unleashed on Yahoo’s parenting site with his intelligent and focused critique of parents who use physical violence as a disciplinary practice. What follows is one wise grandfather’s thoughts about the debate. And, rest assured, this is completely REAL, this is no internet “joke”. I’ve met this guy’s grandkid, and this photo is really of him (that’s his favorite shirt). And it’s really his car. It’s All, Totally, Real.
Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument
Most of the American populace thinks it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my grandkids when they have one of ’those moments.’ One that I’ve found particularly effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride. Some say it’s the vibration from the vehicle that makes this practice so effective, others say it’s the time away from distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my darling grandchildren usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.
I’ve included a little snapshot below from of one of my recent sessions with my eldest grandkid in case you would like to use the technique.
Interview Subjects Needed
Posted on October 3rd, 2008 at 7:01 pm by Brett
The Gay Uncle is working on an exciting new article about how the financial crunch is affecting families all over the country, and he needs your help. He has to find a very wealthy family, a very middle class family, and a very working class family–all with kids in the 0-6 year old range–who he can interview briefly over the phone, and talk about the choices/changes they’re making in terms of things like food, leisure, education and transportation. Participating families would then be photographed for the piece as well.
If you’re interested in participating–or know of people who might be interested–Gunc would love to hear from you. He’s trying to cast as wide a net as possible, so feel free to forward this link/request to your sister so she can get in touch with her best friend from high school who now lives in a survivalist compound in Idaho, or your brother whose friend from elementary school who’s just been laid off from the Ford engine plant in Indiana, or that oil field heiress whose kid your niece goes to school with in Dallas.
Interested parties can get in touch with the Gay Uncle via the contact page on this site, or through the email address gayunclesguide@mac.com
Thanks so much for all your help.
Bike for Barack
Posted on October 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 am by Brett
The Gay Uncle’s family members are amazing in many ways. They’re intelligent, talented, funny, and successful. Some are musicians. Some tend bar. Some are nearly finished discovering the precise chemical formula for a once-a-day pill that will cure all forms of cancer. Oh, and some just happen to be tiny toddler BMX prodigies. (Click HERE to find out what the hell this means.) G.U. thinks that if he can tape this kid going around the track a few more times at speed, wearing camouflage shorts and a Palin Sux t-shirt and screaming Go Barack! at the top of his lungs, and set the whole video to the tune of Barracuda, he’ll have created both an internet sensation, and a means to finally seal up the election for the Big O. His other thought: take pledges from readers for each lap his three year-old cousin completes on his next Sunday bicycle ride, and donate the proceeds to the campaign. His final thought: tell GUG fans that this kid will not be allowed to get off his teensy two-wheeler until they donate a hundred-thousand dollars for CHANGE, and then sit back and watch the money pour in. Give Now before little Riley throws up, pops a flat, or really damages his inner ear with all that annular motion.
Uncle Outing
Posted on October 1st, 2008 at 3:34 pm by Brett
It’s not National Coming Out Day or anything, but since a reader recently asked a question that pertains to this area, the G.U. thought he’d address the issue. The reader asked about telling his young nieces and nephews that he’s gay. Since Gunc didn’t write The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Gay Uncling, it’s not a topic that’s covered in depth in his book, but there is some basic information about in in his chapter on talking to kids (there’s a bit where a parent tries unsuccessfully to explain Gunc’s sexuality to a kid in his class, with somewhat confused results.) His core advice is just to be as straightforward and concrete as possible. Kids take, have, and maintain issues with things like this when they’re presented in ways that are muddled, abstract, or side-handed. Acting like being gay is perfectly normal will let the nieces and nephews know that this is just another way in which people exist in the world. Of course, you don’t need to try and explain it too soon. (Ga-ga, goo-goo, gay-gay?) But the Gay Uncle outed himself to the three year olds in his class when questions pertaining to this came up (Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? etc.) Be clear, and frame things in a positivist perspective–tell them who you date, go out with, or are interested in dating–and connect it to their lived experience (e.g. “Just like your mom goes out with boys; so do I.” Or, “Some men have a girlfriend, some have a boyfriend. I’m one of the ones who has a boyfriend (or boyfriendS).” Or “I don’t have a girlfriend. I go out with boys. I’m actually looking for a boyfriend now. (OPTIONAL: Do you know anyone?)” Avoid any explanations that might snare in unintended consequences like “I don’t like girls”. The G.U.’s now nine year old niece has known his boyfriend since she was born, and simply considers him a normal part of the family (or as normal as Tal can be). But she’s an active advocate for gay rights. It wasn’t crammed at her in any polemical way, it was simply presented as part of her reality, and since she loves me and Tal, and knows that we love each other, she’ll rush to our people’s defense if some doofus makes an anti-gay wise-crack on the playground. “Get over it!” she’ll yell.
Of course, Gunc has an extremely supportive family. Other people’s situation might be different. But remember that regardless of what your parents, siblings, or in-laws might think, you’re entitled to have your own individual and honest relationship with your nieces and nephews. If your family prevents that from happening now, keep sending those buff beefcake birthday cards (with checks enclosed) but stay away until such time as the kids are able to take in the information independent of external influence. These kids are going to be around for a long time, and they’ll need a loving and supportive uncle at any stage of their development. But, like with any relationship, they need to be able to accept that love. If they don’t want it, save it for someone who does!
Feel free to share your tips or stories in COMMENTS, if you want.
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The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting
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