The Gay Uncle has been saying for years that our culture is engaged in a war on parents. He’s not talking about the war for parental leave, the war for affordable day care and universal health care, or the war for allowing photos of breastfeeding on Facebook, all of which he believes are perfectly valid crusades. He’s talking about the war against intelligence, self-actualization, and self-respect that comes from many adults’ unwillingness to assume the mantle of being the grown up–the boss, the one in charge, the person on whom their child can depend for guidance, limits, and structure–when they have kids. The front lines in this war take all sorts of forms, from parents asking their four year-old whether or not they should move to a new city, to an abdication of responsibility for how much television their toddler views, to cooking different meals for every child in order to avoid “blowback”. But Gunc believes that much of it is based in one brutal field of combat: a strange willingness for parents to allow themselves to be infantilized by a consumer culture that tells them that they’re idiots and have no idea how to do their job. That they need Boppy Cushions to nurse, digital thermometers to tell them how warm the bath water should be, and eleven expert/peer opinions to determine whether or not they should allow their child to sample strawberries. The G.U. believes that parents have brought this upon themselves, with their own refusal to give up indulging in childish whims, like playing video games or consuming cupcakes. But he believes he has found its apotheosis in an ad he found on SkyMall this afternoon (itself, the most accurate bellwether of contemporary culture): one for grown-up footy pajamas. How the fuck, he would like to know, is one supposed to be in realistic command of the life of another growing person if one is still this deeply mired in their own infancy? And what, he would like to know, is next? Adult cribs? Adult breast milk? With the new intelligence sweeping through government, he hopes for major change.