The Los Angeles Auto Show is upon us. And by us, I mean me and 3000 other automotive journalists, who have come to town in search of free booze, free food, the fawning attentions of sycophantic Public Relations professionals. And cars. And by cars, in my case, I mean the Bentley Mulsanne, which I put the screws to for a few minutes–time enough to write this manifesto for Vanity Fair.