Figure 8

The Gay Uncle is in Sacramento this week, working on a consulting project for a major manufacturer of kids’ educational electronic toys. Though he usually lives his life in something of a mainstream media blackout, when traveling, he finds TV and Clear Channel more difficult to avoid: they’re playing in the rental car shuttle, the waiting area in the airport, or the taxi to and from JFK. He’s no newbie–he’s seen the kind of garbage ads that get perpetrated during a political season; he actually finds some of them kind of funny from an objective perspective. But nothing prepared him for the bilous streams of hot hate that the folks in favor of Proposition 8 (outlawing the already sanctioned gay marriage) are dumping into the California media supply. Sitting in P.J. McFunsies–the bar in his hotel lobby–last night, he was shit-blasted with at least two or three examples. Now the G.U. isn’t particularly interested in getting gay married himself–he and his boyfriend look stupid in matching white tuxedos, he finds it difficult to pick rice out of his frizzy Jewfro, and he believes that the bundle of rights that come with marriage would be better acquired through campaigns for things like universal health-care and tax reform–but still, he finds it difficult to understand just what it is about the practice that has these concerned citizens so up in arms. He’s working on an article right now about the “New Queer Media for Kids” that will cover off on some of the books, movies, and tv shows aimed at children that promote the Homosexual Agenda–many of which deal with two dudes or two chicks (or two male guinea pigs or female songbirds) getting married, so stay tuned here for some exciting and bombastic theories.