Room for Sex

As you may recall, The Gay Uncle has recently been spending a butt-load of time in California for work, so it was inevitable that the issue of Gay Marriage would come up. But it wasn’t inevitable that it would come in the context of one of his colleagues expressing her theory that part of the inspiration for people voting in the evil Prop 8 was based in their discomfort with having to expose their children to the idea of homosexuality at family weddings. “I took my sons to my cousin’s gay wedding,” she told Gunc, “without mentioning anything about it to them, other than that it was a party. And it went fine. At least until the vows ended. Then my boys suddenly started screaming. They’re kissing!, they yelled. Why are they kissing?”
The Gay Uncle didn’t feel it was his place to point out that there’s really no difference between “exposing” kids to homosexuality and “exposing” them to heterosexuality, something that goes on all the time. He also didn’t suggest that the idea of not prepping the boys for the ceremony seemed a bit silly, not to mention embarrassing for her cousin. Instead he simply nodded, interestedly. Fortunately, one of his other colleagues stepped in.
“My son found out about what gay means on the school bus. From Brian Bourdanglian–a fifth grader.”
The G.U. cocked his head and wondered, were charges pressed?
“I would have preferred to be able to explain it myself,” his co-worker continued. “We’d already talked about the birds and the bees, but up until that point, I’d explained sex purely in terms of being the functional process of trying to make a baby. The whole guy-on-guy thing forced me to have to confront the idea of sex for pleasure. With my eight year-old.”
“What’d you say?” the Gay Uncle asked. He affected a clinical tone. “…You know how it feels good when you touch your penis?”
His colleague shot him a look. “No.” She cleared her throat. “I described it in terms of adult pleasure.”
“And what was his response?”
“Nothing much. He simply looked from me to my husband with disgust, as if he’d just discovered that at night, once he went to his room, the two of us sat up for hours feeding each other dog shit.” She smiled. “But a few nights later, he came into our room to ask if he could sleep in our bed–I let the boys fall asleep in there sometimes. But I was tired that night and in no mood to share my space, and I must have sighed. He got this look on his face. What’s the problem? he asked, gesturing over at the other half of the bed. You and daddy still have all that room over there for sex.” She scowled comically. “Fucking Brian Bourdanglian.”
The gays out the idea of sex for pleasure, Gunc thought. Score another one for the home-o team.