The Gay Uncle is back in LA, which means he got to spend some time with his best friends (and parental whipping posts) Kate and Dylan last night, and to see his adorable “nephew” and “niece” Max, 6 and Athena, 3. Once the kids got over the disappointment that “Uncle Towel” (a.k.a. Tal) was not going to be joining them, it also meant that he got to hear their latest stories of family insanity. Max is one of the most empathetic kids he’s ever met. He’s like a feeling, caring machine, always genuinely concerned about other people. This translates in two ways: 1) he’ll talk to anyone, and 2) he’s very aware of human suffering. He’ll go out of his way to give money to a scangy teenage panhandler yelling curses at him or a homeless guy drinking mouthwash next to a dumpster, and hel’ll wander up to an obviously insane and overly made-up matron in a sailor’s cap (why always a sailor’s cap?) waiting on line in front of him at Rite Aid and ask, with all sincerity, “Are you a captain?” and when the lady hazily nods her head and delivers a junkie’s pirate’s growl, he’ll counter with, “Where’s your boat?”
This infernal kindness recently challenged his mother when, on exiting a supermarket, they encountered a sketchily official-looking volunteer ringing standing in front of a overturned plastic water-cooler bottle. “Change. Donate your change. Donate your change.” Max turned to Kate. “What’s he doing?” Kate cocked her head and tried to figure out how to answer the question–honest, or padded; a common choice when dealing with kids. She went instead with vague. “He’s collecting change.” Max stared at the man for a second, causing Kate to examine him more closely. She wasn’t exactly sure he was working for any sort of organization. But Max had figured out his take on things. “That’s what I want to do when I grow up,” he said. “And I’ll give it all to homeless people.” Kate was distressed, and let her feelings slip out. “Oh, Maxy. I think you can do so much more with your life,” she said, immediately regretting her own sentiment. But the boy will not be swayed. He’s on a path. And for his next birthday, his Gay Uncle is going buy him a bell, a bucket, and perhaps a Santa suit.