Moving directly from the frigid depths of winter, to the balmy breezes of the Florida Keys, The Gay Uncle received a missive from his sister Roxy early this morning, describing an example of P.P.A. (Poor Parenting Activity) at the local Dairy Queen. Apparently one of the many diva-moms down in Key West very pointedly used her bratty child’s whining to solicit a line-cut from an ear-drummed patron, and–as if taking cut-sies wasn’t bad enough–she then appropriated the last of the cotton-candy flavored sprinkles. The Gay Uncle’s well-behaved niece Amber, who was waiting patiently for said topping, was disappointed. Now, giving in to whining is a big G.U. no-no (see Whining in the book’s Appendix). But, perhaps more importantly, any improper ice-cream-related behavior is heinously outré in a tropical climate. Sensing that they’d been doubly wronged, sis Roxy rolled her eyes at Diva-Mom and leaned down to niece Amber. “Uncle Brett would have a field day with this,” she said. Amber nodded, then squinted at her mother. “Mama, what’s a field day?”
Food Fight!
The Gay Uncle heard a good one today in the category of Food-Related-Insanity.
A close friend was visiting another friend around mealtime, and was horrified (and secretly titillated) to hear her peer deliver three contradictory food messages all bundled up at once. The host friend’s two year-old daughter was sitting down to eat dinner, and wasn’t doing as good a job with her meal as mommy wanted (whatever that means) and after a few rounds of useless cajoling (have you ever tried to make an animal eat? It doesn’t really work.) the mom stood over her and delivered the cluster bomb, “If you don’t eat more of those chicken fingers, I’m going to give you a time-out. Plus you won’t get the treat I have for you in the freezer. And I don’t understand why don’t you eat well for me? I saw you eating for daddy earlier.” Now, parents have a duty to provide nourishment for their kids, and clearly there’s some innate evolutionary tie between doing so and one’s sense of worth as a parent. But kids receive enough confounding food messages already, and folks just confuse them further if food is used as a means to an end (or a source of parental competition!) Unless your child is suffering from overt signs of malnourishment–weight loss, weakness, palpitations, diarrhea–just follow the Gay Uncle’s three simple rules:
- Provide sensible portions of a balanced group of foods
- Distribute these foods at a regular and routinized number of intervals each day
- Stand Down! Avoid using food as a bribe, punishment, reward, or weapon