The Gay Uncle had an interesting conversation with an expectant mommy recently in which they discussed one of his favorite topics: baby crap. Not the actual excrement (though he loves to talk about that too, encouraging parents to admit that, in reality, it does stink) but the consumer-y kind that one purchases at Kids ‘R Us. Those of you familiar with the Gay Uncle’s book will know that he covers off on this subject quite thoroughly in Chapter 3, Get Stuffed (and those of you not familiar with the book better buy it right now) but this friend wanted to chat about a specific topic that G.U. had chosen not to discuss in writing, thinking it to be almost cliché: strollers. Bugaboo and Peg Perego jokes seem like standardized fare in the urbane world in which the Gay Uncle circulates, but as they talked, this mommy-to-be added an enlightening new twist. It seemed that she had spent the better portion of her recent Saturday attempting to get the nursery ready, and had managed to convince her husband to give up an afternoon of watching basketball and detailing his gas grill to accompany her to Buy Buy Baby. The gent was none too happy about this, wincing as they passed through aisle after aisle of adorable onesies, temperature sensitive feeding spoons, quilted infant in-crib sleep positioners, and PVC-free everything. But his interest suddenly piqued when they hit the stroller corral. “He spent at least ninety minutes there, listening to demonstrations, going over lists of features, and pushing the buggies around the store,” Gunc’s friend said. “It was exhausting for me. But his eyes were lit up for every god-damn second.” It was at that moment in the conversation that the G.U. made a startling realization: STROLLERS ARE VEHICLES! Straight dudes could give a shit about adorable outfits, satin-lined bassinet sheets, or padded nursing bras. But cars? Now we’re talking. No wonder there are now strollers that resemble G.I. Joe’s Blackhawk helicopter, take up as much sidewalk space as a Escalade, and have as many features as an iPhone (or a really good gas grill). So if you want to get your Baby-Daddy interested in shopping, keep this in mind. While you fill the cart with The Eighty Things You Absolutely Must Buy Before Your Baby Is Born, he can kick the tires, select his trim level, ask about option packages, and take out the home equity loan required to purchase your new Orbit Infant Travel System.
One Reply to “Saturday Stroll”
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Yes, I KNOW the how seriously daddies take the whole stroller issue. When baby#2 was on his way, we purchased a very snazzy stroller/pram combo. When I mentioned that I would be helpful and put it together while he was at work the next day, my husband made it clear that he would cut a bitch if I tried to interfere with any vehicle assembly.