Brett Berk

The Gay Uncle is on vacation in the Caribbean with his boyfriend”s entire family this week, which means three things. First, he won”t be doing much posting, as the Cyber Hut at the “resort”¯ in which they are ensconced, is literally 188 steps down from the dumpy, claustrophobic room he and Tal are sharing. (Note that the rest of the family is luxuriating in larger, breezier suites, each with its own expansive view of the sea: Homophobia of the worst kind; or payback for all the scenes about them in his book? You be the judge.) Second, since his sister- and brother-in-law are both present and have their three young girls in tow, he will have access to a treasure trove of wonderful new bloggable material following the sojourn, which he will share with you, loyal readers, immediately on his return (or, if he decides to brave the steps again, perhaps even sooner.) Finally, since the trip south required a long airplane ride, G.U. was once again exposed to the consumer-fetish glories of SKY MALL, and discovered the little treasure pictured above and to the left (click on it to get the full size image). It is apparently meant to allow you to “Elevate your child”s world!”¯ by giving them access to all the exclusive experiences previously available only to those of us who are over four feet tall””things like looking into a sink full of dirty dishes, putting Tide in the washing machine, and utilizing a salad spinner. Besides the fact that this genius item costs $184.99, and looks like a cross between a wine rack and one of the little cages on the side of a box of animal crackers, Gunc believes we have a perfectly acceptable extant technology for granting children the ability to help mix cookies at the counter, and it”s one that most folks already have in their home (and usually matches the dĆ©cor much better than this chunky, charcoal monstrosity). It”s called a chair. If you turn it around so its back is to the desired viewing arena, and put a non-skid rubber pad under each leg (4 for 1.99 at any K-Mart), your kid will not only be able to discover the rich universe that exists over their heads, you will prevent them (and you) from looking like a total a-hole, like the dorky toddler in the ad. Admit it, you sort of want this kid to push that expensive red bowl off the butcher block, and receive a very inappropriate punishment.