Brett Berk

The Gay Uncle read today that the wildly unpopular, disruptive, and disingenuous law called “No Child Left Behind” is–like just about everything even remotely affiliated with the Bush administration–suffering from an image problem. People hate it. Teachers hate it, administrators hate it, parents hate it, kids hate it. Even the cafeteria workers shake their ice-cream scoopers full of succotash at it in hatred. So the new Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan (who the G.U. both respects, and thinks is kind of hot) has come up with a plan to make the law more compelling and attractive. That’s right, he’s giving NCLB a makeover. Or, as we say in the market research world, he’s relaunching the brand. A bunch of wise-acres are already spewing out “hilarious” ideas on-line for what to call the law: In Your Child’s Behind, Behind the Behind, Get Behind. And as much as Gunc loves just this kind of wittiness, he has to say that he thinks the issue runs deeper than this. Instead of just switcherooing the name to something more comforting, he’d like to see a wholesale re-evaluation of this idea of standards-based education: one that actually created some useful standards on which to measure achievement; one that encouraged creative and critical thinking in our teachers, students and administrators; one that pushed beyond a reliance on rote memorization and the learning of test-taking skills; one that did not punish poor districts for having to educate disadvantaged kids while also serving as front line social service providers. He doesn’t think a simple moniker swap can do all of this. However, he would like to make one suggestion: perhaps the U.S. Department of Education should sponsor a “hot teacher” calendar–like the one the NYC Fire Department used to produce before the whole program was brought down in a pornographic scandal. There’s a standard he believes he can get down with.