Brett Berk

No, this is not the name of a little-known John Hughes movie. It’s a true story, and a response to the content of the Gay Uncle’s new article in COOKIE about choosing a pre-school for your child. One regular reader noted that the mom in the piece lived in a city that wasn’t so competitive in terms of early childhood admissions practices, and asked the G.U., “What if you don’t have a choice of schools?” Living in a town with only three options–one of which was too far away for her nanny (who didn’t drive), one of which hung up on her when she called to ask about the length of the waiting list, and one of which was affiliated with a church to which she did not belong (because she was Jewish)–this mom chose the path of least spiritual resistance, and joined the Methodists. How did this play out? Well, she simply started attending Sunday services with her kids. She hit up a midnight Mass on Christmas. (“They know you’re a Je-ew. They’re all looking at yo-ou,” her husband sang, inventing his own lyrics to O’ Come All Ye Faithful.) And she began teaching religious school to the early elementary grades. “I kind of did my own take,” she told the G.U. “I rooted for Moses. And I didn’t do so well on the pretending that Jesus was the savior part either. Then, when I talked to the pastor and he mentioned the church’s preschool, I acted all surprised. ‘Well, what a coincidence. I’m looking for a school for my older daughter.'” How long did this charade last? “Well, the girls are three years apart and preschool is for three years, so…eight years, I guess?” Is this fair? Faithful? What is the moral to this story? The Gay Uncle thinks it’s something like, God Cheats, Why Shouldn’t You?