Brett Berk

Do contemporary parents truly have no shame? It appears that the answer is a resounding, Yes! Witness, a recent report about how groups of them are trying to ban the one true harbinger of summer (now that we don’t have warm weather, sun, or swimmable beaches): the ice cream truck. Why do they want to rid our nation’s parks, playgrounds, and residential streets of this white enamel-clad menace? Because they think that they are “vultures” preying on their innocent children’s desires for a treat. Because they believe that they’re modern day pied pipers leading their tender offspring down the road to ruin with their menacing tinkling bell song. Because they believe that ice cream is fatty and unhealthy. But mostly because they are apparently INCAPABLE OF SIMPLY SAYING NO to their kids and meaning it. Yes, ice cream may not be health food, and the tune the trucks play can be maddening, and kids might want a frozen confection more often than you want to give it to them. But the job of being a parent is not to project all of the travails and challenges of raising a child outward, expecting the world to morph and conform to your needs. The job is to create rational and safe limits for your kid, and to stick with them, so that they learn to understand how life works. Attempting to ban the ice cream truck for circling the park is like getting angry at the swingset for your kid wanting to ride on it at bedtime. The solution is the same: make a rule, implement it, and expect your kid to conform. They might fuss or even–god forbid–cry. But the Gay Uncle guarantees that they’ll get it. And everyone will be happier.