The Gay Uncle is once again back in California, this time on a dual mission to cover the L.A. Auto Show for his Vanity Fair car column Stick Shift and pitch around some TV ideas. You can follow the progress of both right here. But before any of this gets going, he’s been able to spend a few days hanging out with friends. In fact, as soon as he arrived, he went to see the new James Bond movie with his favorite straight parent couple, Kate and Dylan, and the magical gay pair Ben and Gregory. In order to find the best possible seats (yes, movie seats are reserved in L.A.) they chose a 5:30 showing. This pleased the G.U. to no end, as he wanted to very close to the screen, just in case there was another scene of Daniel Craig being tied naked to a chair and receiving some very belabored testicular torture like there was in Casino Royale. But when he told Ben and Gregory that they’d be attending the early screening, they balked a bit, but then consented. “Okay,” Greg said. “So…I guess in terms of getting some dinner after, we’ll just have to see how Kate and Dylan’s kids are feeling.” Gunc was stunned. Did these fellas really believe that Max and Athena–ages 6 and 3–were going to be attending an R-rated action film, replete with stabbing, punching, shooting, and (hopefully) scrotal smashing? “The kids aren’t coming!” G.U. replied, outlining the types of violence he was expecting (anticipating) as cause. “Right. Right,” his gay pals said. “Of course.”
But when they arrived at the movie, there were indeed a number of young children present in the audience, including a baby that shrieked for about fifteen minutes in the middle. (Justifiably, Gunc might add: this part was very boring.) The G.U. believes that kids take in just about everything they see, regardless of how young or old they are. But he knows that sitters are expensive, and that infants often sleep through shitty films. Still, bearing witness to this made the G.U. wonder, What’s the most inappropriate movie you’ve ever brought your kid to? And why? Let fly below in Comments.
4 Replies to “Quantum of Screaming”
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I remember when Grandma Bobbie took seven-year-old me to see “The Front” instead of “Fantasia” because, as she said, “Who wants to see all that butterfly and Bambi stuff anyway?” I remember telling her that everyone in the theater will think that her husband (me) must be a midget. That pales in comparison to a baby screaming in the middle of a Bond movie, but the 70’s were a gentler era.
well, MY mommy took me at nine to see The Birds.
when the scene of the children being attacked in the schoolyard began, i asked if we could leave.
“nope,” i was told, “this is the best part.”
so, Guncle: 1) which is worse? Quantum, Front or Birds?; and 2) do i have grounds for legal action against my 83-year-old mama??
@ SmudgeNOT
1) Birds is worse, because YOU had to endure it. Quantum was worse for me, and Front for Scott.
2) Legal action, no. Revenge, yes. Best served cold…and avian. (Think, chilled flu virus.)
We’ve never taken my son to anything but a G movie, but he is wont to sneak down the stairs and watch age inappropriate stuff in secret before we realize he is in the room. Therefore, he wants to be a scientist when he grows up, just like the ones who cut open bodies on CSI. Imagine the future therapy he will need, as he was only 4 when he saw that.