Jail Food
Written by Brett, Posted in General & Random
The kids at a Chicago middle school thought they were just engaging in goofy and ritual adolescent hi-jinks–like their peers in Animal House, Fame, or High School Musical–by starting a food fight in the lunchroom last week. But school security forces didn’t find their little game at all cute or amusing, and as the melee escalated, they called for backup. The result: twenty five tweeners were hauled off by the Chicago Police Department, handcuffed, thrown into a paddy wagon, and brought downtown to central booking where they were printed, photographed, and, as the New York Times reports, “treated like real criminals”.
Now the Gay Uncle is all for this kind of down-the-line, law-and-order implementation of firm-handed justice when it comes to actual transgressions like a six year-old bringing a folding silverware set to school. But throwing food? This is not a criminal offense. Wasteful? Yes. Of dubious nutritional value? Certainly. Cliché? Totally. Jail? Not so much. Instead of prison, the Gay Uncle recommends that the mischievous little boogers be asked to do all of the following:
1) Complete a caloric analysis of the food wasted versus energy expended in throwing it
2) Use the tossed food to cook a creative and nourishing meal for the real prison population
(extra credit: spoon feeding it to prisoners)
3) Clean up the cafeteria
Perhaps you have other suggestions on how to punish these hooligans? Have at it in “COMMENTS” below.
