Puréed, Not Stirred

The Gay Uncle rushes into the loving embrace of his family this week, meeting up with them, as he does every year, for their annual Passover-By-The-Pool celebration in the Florida Keys. Besides providing him with a tan, a perpetual hangover, and a host of new material, G.U. relishes the chance to immerse himself in the increasingly tangled web of what some experts call his “blended family” (but which he refers to more frequently as his “blendered family”). Extra credit for anyone who can follow the attendance list: Both of his parents–divorced now for twenty six years–will be in attendance, as will his three siblings and their partners. And his father’s brother. Following in mom and dad’s footsteps, his sister’s ex-husband always makes an impromptu appearance. Of course, his sister’s current boyfriend will be present, with the four loving nieces they’ve sired between them. His common-law brother-in-law will hopefully bring his parents, and more than likely his lovely ex-wife and her current husband will pop by too. The ex-wife’s parents live in town as well, so there’s hope that they’ll stop in. His younger brother’s girlfriend’s mother often joins, and sometimes brings a new internet friend. “Uncle” Lawrence, one of Gunc’s closest friends from New York usually manages to jet in for a few days. And G.U. will be sure to set a few extra places for the assorted lounge singers, bar hoppers, bar owners, and drag queens that make up his mother’s makeshift “tribe” down there. It’s only fortunate that neither of G.U.’s other two siblings have any children, or we’d need to graft even more branches to this family thicket (forest? mangrove swamp?) He’s been thinking, maybe it’s simpler just to pulp the whole family tree. Add a little ice, juice, and rum, and you have a frozen drink. Plus, in this form, one can simply keep it all in the pool.