Mother’s Day and Father’s Day have traditionally been celebrated by purchasing cheap sentimental paper greeting cards, showering the appointed parent with gender-specific gifts, and relieving them of their traditional maternal or paternal duties. On Mother’s Day, this means that mom is supposed to be excluded from shit-work like, cooking, cleaning, wiping asses, and giving (but not receiving) oral sex. However, despite what the New York Times has to say on this whole “new equality” in contemporary parenting, recent studies show that the average American father (out of the 60% that actually live with their kid, that is) spends about 42 minutes a day dealing with his offspring. Thus, the Gay Uncle has one question: Exactly what is daddy going to be relieved of on his special day? Reading three bedtime stories? Giving one bath? Co-viewing two TiVo-ed episodes of Family Guy? Gunc also wants to know: What will daddy do with this extra three-quarters-hour? Read iPhone 2.0 e-opinion reviews? Do some additional grilling? Continue to hog the Wii?
Or perhaps things really have changed. The Gay Uncle’s daddy friends are all liberated, sensitive, and giving, and love to cook, clean, wipe ass, and go down. In fact, they’re the ones bringing up the time-on-child average for all those dudes who only spend a daily 42 seconds with their kiddies. He would honestly believe that anything is possible.
So, dear readers: Do Tell! G.U. wants to hear all about your Father’s Day plans! Let us know in COMMENTS below.
Best story wins a Say Uncle t-shirt, and gets published on the site…and maybe elsewhere?
I will listen to your father’s day phone message for up to 10.25 minutes so as not to bring down the national time -with- child average. love, DAD
[This is really from my dad–father to me and my three siblings (do the math)–and is perhaps the funniest comment I’ve ever received! G.U.]
Daddy Berk? Hysterical!
My hubby is like your friends, skewing the bell curve.
My gift to him “OK, honey, we don’t have to spend Father’s Day at my family cookout.”
Quality time with our offspring, but no “time off” from being the Dad.
Okay, it’s after Father’s Day, but I do want to share what we did for my Baby Daddy.
We purchased FIVE water guns and we had a HUGE water gun fight in honor of Father’s Day. My husband had a great time and, as an added BONUS GIFT, I participated (unwittingly) wearing shorts and a white cotton tank top. So he got the wet t-shirt effect as well as the fun. He declared it the best Father’s Day present EVER. Then? He cooked supper for all of us plus four friends. Don’t ask me how I made that happen.