Last night, the Gay Uncle attended the New Orleans Saints’ victory parade. He was fortunate enough to snag a stellar viewing spot on a friend’s balcony. And when the team’s quarterback, the amazing Breesus (blessed be he) passed by, Gunc was there with a video camera to capture the insanity. You can read his deconstruction of the parade, and watch the little movie of his moment of connection with the QB, here.
Your Pink Dollars
The Human Rights Campaign releases its list of which companies do right by The Gays, and which ones don’t. The Gay Uncle’s alter-ego (Vanity Fair’s online car columnist) offers advice on how to spend your pink dollars wisely. Check it out.
Saints Win, Gunc Hugs Straights
Last night, The Gay Uncle watched a football game. Some of you may have watched it as well. It was called “The Superbowl” and it was mostly about grown men rubbing up against each other while wearing so much padding that they can safely pretend not to feel anything sexual about this. The part that’s not about that is about drinking, and the rest is about ads that tell men that they’re oppressed and need to act out by buying a car, visiting a website, or considering the purchase of some new facial products (or drinking more). The team that won this game is from the city where Gunc is living right now, New Orleans, so he was obligated to go out and party with the townsfolk. This is what he discovered.
Going Blue
“Show me on the puppet where the horsey touched you.”
Getting Superficial about the Superbowl
Here’s my alternative (lifestyle) means of handicapping the big game this weekend. Click on the WHO DAT? to find out who will definitely win and by how much?
Cash, Love and Tiny Cars
My article on adult Hot Wheels collectors “Cash, Love, and Tiny Cars” is just out, in glorious printed color, in this month’s Car and Driver. Go old school and buy it on the newsstand! It really looks so pretty, and you can hold it in your hand. (Plus, it’s way uncouth to read feature stories on the computer when pooping.)
BONUS: Now available online, for those of you who like to burn your lap while doing your duty.
[Photo Credit: Ted Soqui]
Mad at Mad Men
Mad Men casts off Bryan Batt, who plays gay Art Director Slavatore Romano. I give him a call at his store in New Orleans and discuss his plans for the future, and his hopes for Sal’s return. Check it out.
Boyota!
You have to see this video to believe it: Toyota’s secret (a cappella) weapon for keeping the sticky accelerator pedal gods away from their family-orientated minivan. Check it out.
How to Make Your Fetus Gay
Turns out, the in-home gender test was wrong–fouled up by the interference of some recent intercourse–and Gunc’s sister Roxy and brother-in-law Nick are not having a fifth girl, but are instead going to be giving birth to a boy. This raises two questions. First, what are they going to name the baby? You may recall that the G.U. was recently charged (or recently charged you, his loyal readers) with finding a proper soft-G sounding girls name to honor Nick’s recently departed dad, the late great Grandpa George. Well, we’d like to thank you for all your help, but nevermind. Now, the moniker selection process is all muddled up in the kinds of familial honoring practices that require Goyim to choose among five or six boys’ names (James, Robert, William, etc.) without using the same one twice in a generation, and George is apparently already taken by some roided-out Military nephew of Nick’s. It’s all very boring–and you know the Gay Uncle hates boring shit–so he’s just standing by. The more important question is the second one: how are we going to guarantee that the kid comes out queer? Having only had and dealt with girl children, and having grown up surrounded by three cruel brothers, Gunc’s sister is terrified of traditional boy energy, and told him that she can only deal with the infant if he can guarantee it will be gay. The G.U.’s trusty ward (boyfriend) Uncle Tal has already offered to give the kid his Dapper Dan doll, to which he credits his own limp-wristedness (that and being taken to see Gone With the Wind with his mom and sister instead of a Toronto Maple Leafs game with his dad and brother when he was 8). But being an expert in Child Development, the Gay Uncle knows that sexuality starts much earlier than the age at which one begins selecting which sporting events to attend, or choosing a stuffed companion one can dress and undress in little leatherette vests and booties. You have to get to them while they’re still inside! He’s thinking a prenatal immersion in the Four Gs–Gossip Girl, Glee , and Gaga–might help, so he’s sending over some downloads. (Then again, living in a house with four girls, three of whom are tweens/teens, the little faggot is likely to be exposed to this stuff in spades already.)
So Gunc needs your help. Any suggestions for gilding the lily would be greatly appreciated. Provide them in COMMENTS below.
Who is Tough?
What does Barack’s State of the Union speech really mean for The Gays? The Gay Uncle lets you know, online in Vanity Fair. Check it out, here.