According to a piece the Gay Uncle just read in the New York Times, our nation’s pediatricians are recommending (through their affinity organization the American Academy of Pediatrics) that doctors and schools get involved in helping to prevent bullying. They’re pushing a protocol that has been developed and proven to work throughout Scandanavia, one that focuses on activating the perception of bullying as a problem that affects everyone, and thus requires everyone’s participation in order to solve–not just the bullyer and bullyee, but also the “bystanders”. Gunc applauds this. When he began running his school fifteen-plus years ago, he implemented a policy that required all kids to be aware, and mandated reporters, of incidents of exclusion and cruelty, and had his staff involved in providing not only remedies for these transgressions, but also guided suggestions as to how the problem could be solved differently in the future. In other words, a three-phase process that included: 1) A clear policy that provided a role for all members 2) Recourse for when issues arose and 3) Constructive discussions and modeling to help all members through their like problems in future situations.
Sadly, it seems the AAP’s recommendations–like most policies in this country–are REactive instead of PROactive, and where they’re not, they tend to focus almost solely on rescuing the “victim” of the situation, and make no recommendations for how to help the “perpetrator”. (Sort of like how we handle incarceration.) The Gay Uncle is hardly a forgiving person at heart, but he understands that young kids not only need lots of chances in order to understand, incorporate, integrate, and synthesize new rules, they also need to be repeatedly absolved of their minor sins (and even, sometimes, some of their seemingly major ones) and given additional opportunities to practice things the right way if we want them to grow up into reasonable humans. Which, he thinks, is kind of the long-term point of childhood. A zero tolerance approach to bullying is a compelling goal. But in attempting to achieve it, the G.U. believes in being much more tolerant, and in providing skills to everyone involved. Kids grow up to be much more understanding and forgiving if they’re understood and forgiven. This goes for bullied and bullier and bystander alike.