You may remember Gunc’s big gay mom from this piece he did for The Advocate about how she was trying to out-gay him. Well, as if there was any question, today, he officially concedes defeat. She and her betrothed–the legendary Ms. Terri White–and all their lesbianism, are prominently featured in an article in The New York Times. And he has to say, he’s proud. Check it out. Way to go moms. (That’s the plural form there, not the slang for the singular.)
Photo credit: NYT
It doesn’t really have anything at all to do with kids, but the Gay Uncle wanted to let you know that he has a piece in today’s L.A. Times Op-Ed page all about the remarkable similarities in the ways New Yorkers and Angelenos think about cars–as well as the tiny but important differences. Check it out.
The Gay Uncle wants to write a follow up piece to his review of Where The Wild Things Are, in which he gathers anecdotes and insights from parents who ignored his advice and brought their wee ones to see the movie. But he needs your help. Did you take your wee ones to see the movie? How did they fare? Did they cry or scream? Do they now suffer symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Did they need to be hospitalized? Are they perfectly normal, at least in appearance (psychic scars are often invisible)?
Go down to comments and let him know, or email him direct at GayUnclesGuide at mac dot com.
In response to his recent piece on dangerous six year-old criminal Zachary “Zach Attack” Christie, the Gay Uncle received a confession from a loyal reader. While gathering her daughter’s books and homework from her locker in order to speed the process of getting to an afterschool activity, this mom discovered “about 5 lbs of toys and Halloween decorations she took from the house without asking (god knows why, seriously, she’s in 5th grade!), and buried underneath this…[her brother’s] pocket knife!.” Since Gunc is what we call a “mandated reporter”, he wrote right back with some advice. “I’ve already called the police and DSS. That bitch is going to JAIL.” Thinking a bit further about his position as a child development expert, however, he soon reconsidered and provided some real direction.
He went on a whole long-winded and very detailed description of how to approach the situation, including suggestions for what to say, how firm to be, how to provide positivist direction, and means for making the kid think she wasn’t being constantly surveilled. Apparently, Gunc went overboard. “Oh, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was at a loss on the knife issue,” the mom wrote, “though I do appreciate your sage advice…. Blah blah blah. This was a minnow compared to the other fish we’re frying with her.” The G.U. vows to try to zip it in the future. Right after he gets off the phone with DSS. Now he’s sending them both to jail.
The Gay Uncle braved a torrential downpour, hipsters in footie pajamas, and the fear that another iconic piece of literature would be forever sullied or ruined, to go see a midnight show of Where the Wild Things Are last night. His verdict? Well, click on over to the review he wrote for Vanity Fair and find out.
The Gay Uncle has ended up in some weird places in his peripatetic life, but he never expected to find himself in The Breeze, the student newspaper for James Madison University, a small college in rural Virginia. Support Whitten Maher, the author, and his impassioned plea for LGBT equality by clicking over.
Fordlandia is Greg Grandin’s non-fiction account of Henry Ford’s cluster-fucky attempt to start a rubber plantation (and model town) in the Brazilian Amazon. It is also the only book that the Gay Uncle has ever officially reviewed. And guess what? It was just nominated for a National Book Award. Coincidence? He thinks not.
The Gay Uncle didn’t go to the march or the HRC dinner in Washington this past weekend. VanityFair.com asked him why not? So he told them. (Hint, it had something to do with Beyonce.)
The Gay Uncle was thrilled to find, in today’s New York Times, an article about the capture of a dangerous juvenile criminal–one Zachary Christie–who was apprehended and removed from his first grade classroom for possession of a deadly weapon. Little Mr. Christie–a.k.a. Zach Attack–had recently joined a paramilitary organization (code name: “The Cub Scouts”) and, intoxicated by the hazing rituals enacted upon him there, brought forth this evidence in the hopes of using it to attract and recruit additional members. Secreting it somewhere on his person, he managed to escape the probing hand of school security, and once safely inside, extracted the item and began displaying it to his impressionable classmates. The Gay Uncle cannot confirm rumors that one of his peers may have said, “Ew. It smells like poopie.” Or that another may have said, “Lincoln is the capitol of Nebraska.” He also cannot confirm that Zach expressed his plans to “shank a bitch” during lunch when “the screws were on their prep period”. Nor can he confirm that the source of this vendetta involved an unpaid meth debt. (Eyewitnesses reported that the boy may have said “math”.)
What Gunc can confirm is that this kind of zero tolerance policy is obviously necessary and 100% effective, just like the zero tolerance/mandatory sentencing policies that have been carried out in other realms like drug crimes, or teen intercourse. He’s thrilled to see these practices trickling down and being applied to the youngest trouble makers. Kudos to the Christina, Delaware school district, and those on the front lines everywhere. It is only through their vigilance that we can stem the tide of the total social breakdown.
Photo Credit: Mustafah Abdulaziz, New York Times
New York City Board of Education bans bake sales. Gay Uncle requests brownie variance. (And writes about it in Momlogic.)
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