While waiting for his new niece to make her way down Sis’ yellow-brick birth canal, the Gay Uncle engaged his existing relatives, young and old, in a little game of let’s predict: an old tactic he used to use as a classroom teacher when one of his students was awaiting a new addition to their family. They came up with a whole bunch of standard guessing categories, like how much the baby would weigh, what time she’d be born, what color her eyes would be, and whether or not she’d have hair. But, being a non-traditional family, the Uncles also came up with other less traditional areas of exploration, such as the nature of her earlobes (attached or unattached), how many suckles she’d take when first latching on to the boob, and whether or not her mother would poop on the delivery table (and, if so, what consistency the poop would be: greasy, runny, watery, pebbles, candy bar, etc.) Answers to be revealed in a future post. Continue reading “Prediction Chart”
L.A. Story
The Gay Uncle is on the road this month. First stop, L.A.! It”s much more difficult to catch a glimpse of parents in Los Angeles (as compared to G.U.’s home town of New York) because there is no one out there pushing strollers and acting stupid right on the sidewalk. In fact, there is often no one on the sidewalk at all. Or no sidewalks. And people look at you funny if you pull up alongside them in your rental car and try to get them to roll down their windows so you can hear the dumb or cruel things they”re shouting at their kids in the back seat. Luckily, Gunc knows a bunch of folks out here, who invite him into their homes to allow for unwitting observation. Best of all, his friends (and perpetual parental whipping posts) Kate and Dylan have transplanted themselves to the west coast. They seem much happier here, with plenty of space for the kids to run around in. But, since everyone’s private insanities reside in their brain, we all take our craziness with us wherever we go. Continue reading “L.A. Story”