Brett Berk

The Gay Uncle now writes a weekly parenting column for Yahoo’s ladies’ site Shine (a moniker he doesn’t understand, unless it’s meant to refer to how women perspire…?) Well, this week, he got himself into a bit of hot water (sweat?) when he suggested to these Shiny readers that smacking one’s kids around might not be the most productive method of discipline. He provided what he believed was an intelligent and modulated approach to the subject, discussing the matter from the perspective of someone who’s studied child development extensively, and worked practically, successfully, and pretty-much spank free with literally tens of thousands of young kids. He didn’t expect anyone to repent, or re-consider the meaning of the corporeal upon reading it. He didn’t even expect anyone to read it. But what he got fully exceeded everything he didn’t expect: it’s the most popular piece on the site, and has garnered about twelve dozen comments from parents all over the country, around 98% of whom praised the utility, advisability, and downright necessity of their spanking their kids. This puzzles the Gay Uncle. Why would someone defend hitting a defenseless child? (Unless they’re really defensive.) And why would they go out of their way to extol the virtues of this practice, to call the Gay Uncle nasty names, and to commend their own parents for having the strength of mind (and arm, wrist, and hand) to smack them as children? Both of the G.U.’s parents hit him. He remembers his father chasing him around the house to capture and beat him, and recalls thinking how ridiculous and out of control his dad looked doing this. He also remembers his mother promising a paddling “when we get home”, a form of intentional torture, disconnected from the actual transgression, that borders on the sadistic. He’s over having any sort of debate about the subject. Spanking a child as a means of resolving a problem is immature, counterproductive, hypocritical, and a violation of everyone’s humanity–hittee and hitter alike. Plus, it is not a long-term plan. It is a reactive, momentary fix. And helping kids develop properly is nothing if not an enduring task. Don’t get the Gay Uncle wrong. Anyone who has read even a sentence of his book knows that he’s all for parents taking charge of situations with their kids (Pretend You’re the Grownup), of utilizing consistent, pro-active, and potitivist discipline, and of setting up clear expectations and boundaries and implementing real and direct consequences. But a grown up hitting little kids? You get a few passes in your life for losing it, so long as you’re contrite. But as a defensible practice? Get some shame.