Brett Berk

Ford Motor Company announced today that it will include this, its patented Youth Integrated Individual Piñata technology (Yii-P), into the rear seats of all of its 2011 minivans, crossovers, and SUVs. According to Ford spokesperson Martin Doucheire, “kids these days” require new and novel forms of entertainment when in a vehicle. “Recent consumer research suggests that young children are bored with watching the same old shit Disney DVDs you’ve been showing them. With this new development, we add another compelling, attention-grabbing format to the in car amusement options.” Doucherie went on, “Plus, with the Hispanic market growing, and those people having so many kids, it’s a win-win.”

It wasn’t exactly clear how the proper quantity of cheap, stale candy is to be inserted into the inflated contraption–the press release said something about blowing it through the belt buckle using “good old-fashioned lung power” (though it advised strongly against doing so when a child is in the seat, in order to avoid “unnecessary liability”). But the manufacturer’s information packet did go into some detail regarding the proper implements for extracting it, recommending the use of items like “broom handle, police baton, pointed stick, or severed doll arm” but suggesting users stay away from things like “screwdriver, hunting knife, archery equipment, or any firearms.” It also noted that the technology is single use–though refills are available at Ford dealerships at a “moderate cost”–and can be covered in a variety of tacky and cliche crepe paper animal forms.

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[Photo Credit: Ford Motor Company]