The Gay Uncle received a challenging review from a friend the other day. “I like the book, and the stories are funny,” this mom of a six month-old stated, “but I’m not so sure about the way you’re always telling people to be the grown up, and be in control of situations with their kids. It doesn’t seem fair. What kind of dynamic is that setting up in our family, where the adults are always in charge?”
G.U. has heard this protest before, and while he understands the cultural drive toward instilling democracy (echoes of nation-building?) his answer is relatively simple: You are creating a family in which your child feels safe, secure, and certain that you know more than they do. The reason behind this is simple: YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR EQUAL. If you honestly believe that it somehow has the skills or ability to debate with you about what makes up a nutritious meal, when an appropriate bedtime should be, or whether or not your should move to Colorado, perhaps you should do a brain-scan comparison. Your kid’s mind and capabilities are just developing. Yours are (or should be) somewhat more fully developed.
The relationship between parent and young child should not by any means be a tyrannical one. (GUG frowns on tyranny of any sort…except when play-acted in the bedroom between two consenting adults). Kids should feel as though they have agency, should be allowed to make relevant decisions, and above all should feel like life is fun and enjoyable. And you should certainly be aware of and listen to your child’s input, actions, and feelings. But they call it “parenting” for a reason. (Hint: YOU are the parent part of this equation.) Your child is your dependent. That means they depend on you to show them the way. This is why evolutionary biology waited for you to become an adult (or at least a post-adolescent) before allowing you to develop the possibility of making children. Own your role.
Amen!
This book is too retarded… Anyone who hasn’t had kids and thinks he an expert on raising children by claiming in a book as a on how to do such, is only self deluting himself in beleiving such kookyness”…. there are no self help ways in books or anyother ways and/or that teach people how to raise kids, it a hit and miss adventure full of times of happyness”, sadness, greef and and lot of pain and hard work raising children to grow up to be decent people.
I’ve been a parent for 24 years and the nonsense oozing from this book is so off the wall, that people who have children and raised them know, this is other scam far from exceptence just as Mr. Spook’s book back in the severties failed also to measure up to true life.
The end result is The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting: Candid Counsel from the Depths of the Daycare Trenches. While Mr. Berk, 39, is not a parent himself he really hasn’t a clue about how to raise children, and while he gleaned his techniques from years running a New York preschool and from being a so called doting uncle to 13 nieces and nephews. That at the end of the day, Mr. Berk 39 shares and home with his boyfriend of 18 years, and still no children of his own. I doubt very much he could even handle and kids day in and day out…It’s a joke!.
[Brilliant. I wish I was this guy’s kid! G.U.]
Is that guy for real? I agree, I’d hate to be his kid. If only for the fact that his kids’ homework had to suck, seeing how the man cannot seem to spell to save his life. It’s called ‘Spell Check.’ Look into it. Not to mention the random, inexplicable use of apostrophes.
How sad that someone can’t see that other people’s perspectives can be useful. I think that the best parenting lessons I learned came from teaching preschool and kindergarten. I won’t go into defending your book, Brett. I already reviewed it and you know I think it is wonderful. As do most of my friends, now. But I had to respond to this yahoo.
Thanks for the advice. I came to the same conclusion dealing with my niece. I am a young grand-uncle and I will buy your book.