Big Headed

While visiting his family in Key West this past weekend, The Gay Uncle had the pleasure of running into his sister Roxy’s good friend A-M and her adorable children. You may remember A-M from one of G.U.’s earliest posts. If you do (or if you just snuck back to read it) you’ll recall that she was the nice lady who hadn’t yet come up with a name for her four month old son. Rest assured, the boy now has a name: Jorrdan He also has what might be the most amazing head that Gunc has ever seen. It’s perfectly spherical, devoid of hair, and is roughly the size and shape of one of your larger supermarket honeydews, placing little Jorrdan squarely in the 30,000th percentile for head circumference in the under-one-year-old category. Now, you may not be aware of this, but the G.U. is no stranger to super-skulls. He’s been known for his own planet-sized hat-holster ever since he was a child, when his nickname was (he kids you not) “The Wrecking Ball”. But though the colossal capper on wee Jorrdan has delayed the boy from learning to crawl properly (top heaviness literally forcing him to drag his sizable nugget around) and now requires the boy to attend physical therapy (to learn special deltoid-enhancing neck exercises so he can be the stick to this lollipop), A-M absolutely adores the idea that her youngest is big headed–now, at least; birth was another story. “It means his brain is super-sized too!” she said in her distinctive Long Island drawl. But while mommy’s proud, Jorrdan’s nine year old sister is very protective of Little Mr. Mega-Noggin, and doesn’t take lightly to people poking fun of him, mistaking him for a wind ravaged coconut palm, or pointing and shouting, “For the love of god, lie that child down; he’s blocking out the sun!” So in response to the girl’s sensitivity, A-M has asked that, in her daughter’s presence, folks either avoid the subject (impossible) or simply say that he has a “significant cranium”. A sensible and kindly request that everyone will no doubt abide. Everyone, that is, except the Gay Uncle. So this post goes out to tiny Jor and his Brobdingnagian brain-pan. Join the club, kid. Big Heads rule!