The Gay Uncle talked to his friend Danika today. Always a rich source of stories, she told him one during their call about her older daughter Erica. Erica is eight and a half, and is very interested in mastery. She excels at most of what sets herself to–gymnastics, ballet, violin, horseback riding–an interesting contrast with Danika’s own (self-confessed) non-competitive nature. The most recent of the girl’s interests is biking. A cycling enthusiast himself (though one completely without skill) Gunc and Danika had a good laugh about him and Tal taking the girl on a seaside trail ride during their next annual summer visit. “Maybe part of it,” G.U. suggested. “It’s a long way to the lighthouse.” Danika chortled. “Well, she’ll likely be pretty advanced she is by then. She’s driven. Plus, the twins are into biking.”
The twins,, G.U. thought. He’d heard about this duo before: an inciting–but mismatched–pair of girls, one of whom is thin and pretty, and the other of whom is pudgy and clumsy. (Guess which one is favored by their parents? Here’s a hint: when both twins recently made the horseback riding team, one received a brand-new, form-fitting, custom equestrian uniform, while the other had to make do with ill-fitting, adult-size cast-offs purchased from the Salvation Army and brutally chopped down to size.) “As you know, their parents are very competitive,” Danika explained, “They’ve recently had their girls biking for hours every day in training for some intense course they’ll complete in September.” This kind of insane sportiness (combined with the whole good/bad twin thing) piqued Gunc’s interest. He’s always been fascinated with endurance athletics, in part because he can’t understand the appeal of this kind of self-torture, in part because he loves the stories of people cheating during said events (like the lady in the New York Marathon who took the subway for part of the route), and in part because he likes to watch the end of these races when a few people inevitably collapse yards from the finish line, lose control of their bodily functions, and pee and poo all over themselves. “How far do they have to ride in this so-called course?” he asked. “Well,” Danika replied, “last year they went about twenty-six miles in one day. Which is kind of impressive” “Um, yeah,” Gunc said, recalling his own recent bragging about a seven mile ride. “Of course,” Danika continued, “one of the girls had a severe knee problem after, and couldn’t walk for over two weeks. But still. Her parents were very pleased that she finished.” Finished, indeed, Gunc thought. He wanted to tell his niece (and nieces everywhere) that life isn’t a race. Or if it is, it’s certainly not that kind.