Sore Subject

The Gay Uncle read something very interesting this weekend, an article about scientist parents who use their own children as research subjects! It seems that, in light of the tightening restrictions on the use of young humans as guinea pigs, the dwindling pool of foundlings, and the discomfort that many folks feel at allowing someone to experiment on their kid, Dr. Mom or Dr. Dad are signing their own children up as participants. One father strapped a camera to his newborn’s head so he could record every single thing the baby looked at. Another put all three of his kids through repeated MRIs. And, in what the G.U. thinks might be an invasion of privacy, another wired his house with dozens of video cameras and microphones, recording every move and sound his son–and anyone else who dropped by–made for his first three years. (Guests were eventually asked to sign releases, and the university oversight board strongly recommended against taping any bathroom action: drat!)

Now, the Gay Uncle has conducted quite a bit of scientific research with young kids himself, mostly concerning the educational effects of watching TV–some of it for the U.S. Department of Education–so he knows first-hand the value of studies with live subjects. His research entailed little more than having participants view episodes of Curious George, Word World, or Caillou and then answering a few questions. He feels proud of this work, and wouldn’t hesitate to ask his friends or family members to participate if needed (okay, maybe not on the Caillou project, which may transgress the Geneva Conventions). But repeatedly running your child through a body scanner, or forcing them to constantly wear an electrode-studded cap so you can study their brain waves? Come on. If you saw someone doing this at the supermarket, you’d call Child Welfare.

Gunc’s objections are myriad. He believes it impossible to avoid bias when studying one’s own child. He has concerns about the lack of oversight inherent in circumventing third-party approval. And he’s uncomfortable with the slight echoes of Dr. Mengele. But more than all this, the G.U. believes this is just another example of our contemporary struggle with what he calls Texas Hold-‘Em style “All In Parenting”: an inability for parents to separate themselves and their own needs from those of their child. Kids are born individuals and should be treated as such, not as extensions of one’s own whims, vanities, style statements, or professional advancement. Likewise, parents need and deserve some form of life (professional, peer-based) separate from their role as a mother or a father. Raising your child in a petri dish achieves neither of these objectives. It is simply an extreme example of the Parenting Bubble in which he feels so many families are currently locked.