The Gay Uncle is safely home from Alaska. And he wants to share some knowledge with you all regarding the struggles parents suffer through up there in our nation’s last frontier. Here’s a list he collected from his new friends in the extreme Pacific NorthWest. He wants folks to feel free to add others if they’re up there and feel he missed something important.
-Too cold to play outside
-Too dark – can’t see on the playground
-Seasonal Affect Disorder Extreme: kids are impacted by the sunrise/sunset times and can’t sleep/sleep too much
-Not enough vitamin D (see too dark): seasonal rickets, etc.
-Crappy produce that’s expensive, requiring a default to canned options; variety is not great; organics are hideously expensive and all the organic stuff we get in winter is shipped and nasty when it gets here
-Everything costs a ton
-It truly seems that everyone knows everyone
-We have a winter festival at the end of February – one can go on the Spin & Puke at -10F and see what happens.
-Transition/displacement (military families, slope workers who are 3 weeks on/1 week off, for instance – either the kids or their friends are constantly moving)
-Moose right outside the door – can’t leave the house on time
-People try to give teachers home-canned salmon as a gift
-When we read “Little Bear”, we have to give the caveat that real bears don’t ask their mothers for hats, and that real bears will eat you.
-On fourth of July, it’s not dark enough to see the fireworks very well. It mostly looks like some light poles are on fire.
-If you try to walk on the coast (off the trail), you can sink in the tidal mud. And die.
-Eagles all over the place (they are scavengers and aggressive)
-We have actual Belugas. Baby Belugas, too. Right in town. Which requires singing that blasted song all the time.
-No “snow days”. Even when we got 12″ of snow in 24 hours.