A Holiday Proposal

It’s Christmas Eve Day, not actually an official holiday for many people, and definitely not one for those of us who don’t believe that little Jewish kid from Bethlehem was the messiah. But you know that the Gay Uncle always sides with the women (and particularly the mothers), so he’d like to note something important about the date. If we accept that the Little Baby Jesus (LBJ) was born on December 25, then it’s proper to assume that his virginally pregnant ema (that’s mom, in Hebrew) spent at least some portion of December 24 in massive contraction-based pain. (Unless magic pregnancy by God results in an agony-free birth.)

So in honor of mommies everywhere, Gunc would therefore like to propose a little festive nomenclatural switcheroo. Since 98% of people already confuse the name of the celebratory long weekends that bookend the summer–the ones that land at the end of May and the start of September–the G.U. suggests that these both henceforth be referred to as Memorial Day. This would not only lessen the tedious problem of recalling which is which and be a more honest reflection of our true feelings on these dates (we’re Memorializing the start and end of summer, period), it would free up the title LABOR DAY for utilization on the day before X-mas, where it really belongs. Being a Union member (UAW Local 7902), the Gay Uncle wouldn’t want to lose this synonymical meaning for the word, so he’d leave it be–Workers and Mothers of the World, Unite! But the connection to childbirth would help draw attention to the unpaid work many women do inside the home. Think about that as you wrap your presents and chug your eggnog and otherwise steel yourself against the emotional torment of spending time with your family. (This precursor to the pain and disappointment that always accompanies Christmas Day could also be seen as a form of labor.) And enjoy your holiday.