Here’s a little secret the city of New Orleans has cracked that the Gay Uncle believes may be of use to parents everywhere. It comes from a machine. It is served in a cup. And in the Crescent City, it is readily available at places where moms and dads congregate with their kids: parks, zoos, tourist attractions, and movie theaters showing endless screenings of The Princess and the Frog. It’s called a Daiquiri and it comes in as many flavors as Benjamin Moore paint. (Meaning, it’s rainbowly endowed, but always tastes just about the same.) When visiting the Audubon Animal Wildlife Refuge the other day with his parent friends John and Mary and their baby girl Victor, Gunc and his BF were thrilled to note that a) it was after noon, b) the concession stand was located next to the entrance (because what is a visit to any public space like this besides an excuse to eat junk food) and c) that the second item on the “menu” after hot dog was booze. Thinking it would simply take the edge off, we all ordered a bright red cup of Adult Juice Slushie. Little did we know that, hidden beneath the electric berry hue/taste was some sort of potent moonshine. The G.U. is uncertain if it was brain freeze or grain (as in grain alcohol) freeze that caused his boyfriend to shout, “I can’t see!” after his first chuggle, but he is sure that about a third of the way through the tiny cup, all four adults no longer cared that the elephants were in an enclosure about the size of a Manhattan one bedroom, that the giraffes were fighting, that there was a rusty old bathtub and junked car floating in the “Cajun Country Swamp” exhibit, or that some genius had had the bright idea of locating the pens for the Wild African Dogs and the Antelopes right next to each other separated only by a chain link fence (causing nonstop neurotic border pacing on the part of the canines). As is evident in the photo above, little Victor enjoyed the zoo, regardless.