Raging

The Gay Uncle heard an interesting tale in his recent travels, that of a three year old girl who’d been tantrumming. Now, the G.U. generally has some great–if counterintuitive–advice about dealing with kids’ rages, suggesting that you treat them in much the same way the Forest Service deals with fires in the National Parks: build a firebreak about the flames and let them burn out (see chapter 4: Pouring Water on a Grease Fire). But this girl’s fits were a standard deviation or two beyond the norm. When she didn’t get her way, she tore through the house flipping over tables and yanking appliances out of socket like some abusive husband in a bad Lifetime movie. She even once pulled the flat-screen TV off it’s perch atop its console, and we all know the cardinal rule of every aspirational household: do not fuck with the flat screen! Given the extreme nature of this behavior, Gunc’s first response was to question what else was going on in the home. The list was relatively lengthy: bitter divorce, both parents recently moved, custody battle, no cooperation on how to deal with the kid. I’d be in a tizzy as well (what the G.U. calls a Pink Rage). There is no quickie Q&A-at-a-book-signing-type solution for these kinds of tantrums. But remember, your child’s responses to emotional situations–and thus the neural pathways their little brains are creating and will be using to deal with things for the rest of their lives–are profoundly shaped by what you do and how you act and react. Kids are resilient and they can handle change, even major change, effectively, but only if the adults around them–the people ostensibly in charge of the world–are acting like grown ups. During heightened emotional times–like during a divorce, a move, a sample sale–it is important to step out of the (Divorcing) Parenting Bubble and focus first on your child’s needs for some form of stability. The Gay Uncle recommended professional help (for the parents!) and maybe a nice long hug for the little rage-aholic.