The Gay Uncle was perusing the pages of TimeOut NewYork Kids online today, searching for an interview with him that’s supposed to run this month (why else would he read this stellar journal; he has no kids!) when he came across this headline about kids going bare-ass in New York City playgrounds. He didn’t read the article because, frankly, he doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions, but seeing this reminded him of a question he’d recently been asked by a reader regarding a similar situation at a public beach. This mom had been troubled by the sight of a five year-old girl playing naked in the sand and surf and wanted to “throw a towel around this young child”. Said reader wondered if she was in her rights, or “just uptight”? The G.U. had to think about this for a bit, particularly since the subject of beachfront clotheslessness reminded him of being forced to look at photos of his parents’ vacation to a nudist resort in the Caribbean, circa 1978 (there’s dad eating a live sea urchin with a crowd of strangers: Nude!) But when he cleared his head of this memory, he gave a measured response. His recommendation: do what you want in private–in the tub, in the backyard, at clothing-optional birthday parties–but when in public, put something more than sunscreen on your kid’s lower half. He thinks brief exceptions can be made–let them take it off underwater if they want to feel the waves in their sails–but otherwise, they should keep their private parts private in public: it’s respectful to others, it helps keep dirt/sand/mud of their various cracks and creases, and it prevents viruses and parasites from leaking out of their butts and going into other kids’. That said, he advocates letting your kid go naked in a like-minded and safe environment without freaking out that they’ve got something else on their mind (or that everyone around them does); nudity is interesting in a society where we’re always clothed, and bodies are fascinating and not something for your tot to be ashamed of. With respect to the specifics of his reader’s question, he also strongly recommends against throwing a towel around anyone else’s kid on the beach, or anywhere else. That might get you punched in the face.