The Gay Uncle was recently complaining to a colleague about how the holidays run at his in-laws house. He has three nieces on his boyfriend’s side, and in years past, the Christmas morning present-opening routine has been marked not by cheer, warmth, and love, but rather by infighting (“I like the green skirt! Why did she get the green skirt?”), ingratitude (“Is that all the presents?”), interjection (“Waaaaaah!!!), and–immediately upon the cessation of wrapping-ripping–inciting inflamation (“I’m bored.) So Gunc told his co-worker that, this year, he’s boycotting all present giving. Instead, he said, he’s making extra donations to charity in his nieces’ honor (Habitat for Humanity, a Food Bank, Planned Parenthood). “It’s no Wii,” he said, “but I feel much better about it.”
Gunc smiled smugly, anticipating affirmation. But the look on his colleague’s face spoke volumes. It said: Brett, you are a bitter little bitch. Which brought up two cyclically-interrelated questions in the G.U.’s children’s media-addled brain:
1) Is the Gay Uncle a Scrooge?
2) Is Scrooge McDuck a Gay Uncle?
What do you think? Let him know in COMMENTS below…
No, I agree 100%. My boyfriend’s eldest niece and nephew are the picture of ingratitude. Every year I beg him to make donations in their name, instead of handing them shit that they won’t look twice at. Also, this year is a perfect time to teach the little fuckers what the meaning of a belt tightening is.
Do you live close enough to give a “present” of a day with you? Take ’em to lunch, and then to the site of social goodness of your choice. (Or, better yet, do lunch afterwards and see if they want to buy sandwiches for homeless folks.) You might change their stony little hearts–or you might end up with fodder for a whole new book!
The “experience”-thing is great. I started out small with movies and Mcdonalds when my friends kid was 6. Now 2 years later I took him to the ballet(the nutcracker) and he loved it. Or maybe the boy is gay…
I like the “experience” idea. How about taking the little darlings to the charity with you. Tour a Habitat House? Volunteer them to help at the food bank that receives your donation? (Be Unclie Dearest and encourage them to donate all their gifts but one to charity? Just make sure the green skirt is not on a wire hanger or there may be some serious repercussions)
You’re not a Scrooge. Your heart is in the right place and your money would be well spent on teaching the kids the true meaning of Christmas and a valuable life lesson.
Merry Christmas, Gunc!
I hereby pledge that if my child ever complains that his holiday presents are not “enough,” I will collect all the presents and give them to charity. If they are so trifling, I am sure he won’t miss them.
No, I agree 100%. I have three nephews and they are now in their 30’s and 40’s. I stopped giving presents to them when they graduated from high school. Towards the end I just gave them money as I had moved away and no longer knew what their tastes were. I do remember one year, two of the nephews turned to me and said, is this it? (after splurging beau coups bucks on them). The following year I cut the spending in half on the two. After coming out of the closet, they didn’t want to have anything to do with me, except when one of them got married and I was invited. Stupid me, I gave him and his new bride a cruise (3 days on Carnival) for their wedding gift. I came home from the wedding and mentioned to my partner that I had a hunch that the marriage would last five years, six years max. Well, five years to the day, the marriage was over. At least I still have one nephew (and he is more like a little brother to me than a nephew because of his age) that keeps in contact with me.