In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a hideous depression in this country. Wait! Allow the G.U. to rephrase that. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a hideous depression in this country in just about every way but one. Babies! That’s right, a new report from the Center for Health Statistics has shown that more shrieking American infants were born in 2007 than in any other year, ever–including the former tippy-top banner of the birth-heap record-setting year of 1957 Of course, back then, our country had about half as many women, each having twice as many bundles of joy, which had its own benefits, including providing the huge demographic clump of people who would take up the mantle of disco dancing twenty years later when Saturday Night Fever was released, and gifting the world with such all-star talent as Katie Couric, Donny Osmond, Ray Romano, and Vannah White (all born that year!) The G.U. likes things better now. Not because he’s fundamentally opposed to large families. Someone’s got to plow the fields as Pa ages. Plus, he’s the second of a brood of four, and he loves his siblings more than anything. (It’s his mother he can’t stand.) No, he likes more moms to have fewer kids, because he knows from his years as a youth and family market researcher that parents tend to purchase the greatest number of supplies for their first child, and if more women are having fewer children, it means that there are more first children being born, and thus a larger opportunity for him to sell his stellar parenting book, The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting. So keep up with your limited breeding, people. It works for all of us. (Plus, we don’t need any more Ray Romanos. Ew.)