A loyal reader wrote in recently in response to my piece Parents: Preschool’s Biggest Problem. She wasn’t struggling with saying goodbye to her kid at drop off time–he’d been going to school since he was seven months old. What she was having trouble with was his having started Kindergarten. Now that he was taking the bus to and from school, she was freaking out about “how much less I know about what happens during the day, since I no longer pick him up directly.”
When the Gay Uncle ran his school, he provided a Highlights of the Day sheet, which he carefully (or not-so carefully) typed up and posted every afternoon. He did this not just to let parents know what kind of fascinating and newsworthy events had taken place during their time away from their precious darlings–Vita built a bed! Tancredi beat on a pillow! Mina mixed yellow and red to make orange!–but (more importantly) to give them some concrete and grounding fodder around which to construct conversations with their kids–e.g. “I saw that you read Little Blue and Little Yellow at circle time today. What happened in that book?”–instead of trying the abstract, tedious, and ineffectual “What did you do at school today?” He’s heard tell of other teachers doing the same thing: emailing out quick bulleted lists of the day’s major events, lessons, achievements, and perhaps some photos. This doesn’t seem like too much to ask.
But if the teacher is unwilling to engage in this practice–and teachers are overworked and underpaid, so she just might be–Gunc’s advice is to find out what the core schedule is (e.g. Work Time, Snack Time, Story Time, Rest Time, etc.) and then structure some concrete questions around these. “Did you have work time today? Tell me about what you built/made/mixed/cut/pushed/ruined/dressed up in.” And then build from here with leads like, “Then what happened?” or “Then what did you do?” or “Who was there with you? What did they do?” Making your questions concrete, grounded in personal experience, and conversational will not only provide your child with the scaffolding they need to answer, it will also give them a template they can use to store up details for you. And as these details aggregate, you’ll learn about their friends, their favorite activities, the things about which they’re most excited, and their myriad failings.
NOTE: School is your kid’s first experience with something totally their own, so they might not want to share–and it’s not their job to do so. If this tactic doesn’t work every time, don’t force it. Let them revel in having a space that belongs totally to them.
I never thought of it that way…that school might be something just her own that she might not want to share…food for thought.
you got on the bus, twee twee.